Since I was very little I have always been ambitious,driven, passionate and incredibly curious. Always striving for something more, always wondering about things I didn’t know, always eager to explore and improve on all levels. My restless dream-chaser personality brought me here today but it also caused me to be called selfish by countless people throughout my life. “You are going to travel alone because you want to have the freedom to do what you want when you want? You’re so selfish!” or “You broke up with him because he was stifling your dreams? You are a selfish bitch!” or “You don’t have time to hang out with me because you want to stay home and write? You’re such a selfish bitch” or my favorite of all “You don’t want to have kids ever? OMG you are a mega selfish bitch, the devil!!”.
It’s incredible to see how many people you can piss off by simply wanting to pursue what makes you happy and doing what’s best for you!
Way to often self-love is misunderstood with selfishness (and for some reason it seems that for women it’s always much easier to be considered selfish!) .
Let me try to explain the difference between the two. Let’s start by acknowledging these two principles i live by:
- We should always be kind to others.
- We should never hurt or try to control others.
With that in mind, as long as we respect those two principles I just don’t see why anyone should be called selfish.
If you are being greedy, or inconsiderate then yes, you can call yourself selfish. Here are some practical examples of selfishness:
You are eating a giant greasy pizza next to a starving homeless guy and instead of giving him a slice you keep stuffing your mouth with it until you reach food-coma level…you’re selfish! Or, you are in a room full of people that are meditating and you start blasting loud music instead of putting on your headphones…you’re an asshole! and selfish!
Let’s all remember one thing: Life is short! We all have an expiration date and we have no idea what happens after that. So, isn’t it obvious that we shouldn’t waste time doing things that make us unhappy?! I strongly believe that the pursue of happiness should be our main priority in life (always keeping in mind those two principles I showed you earlier).
It’s not selfish wanting to be happy. Taking care of ourselves and putting our needs first will actually make us better people, because when we are happy inside we transmit that happiness on the outside and by default we make other people happier too .
It’s the exact same concept of airlines safety demos: put the mask on yourself first than help the person next to you put on their mask! life works the same way. You can’t be of any use to others if you don’t put yourself and your happiness first.
You are NOT selfish when:
- You want time alone.
- You focus on your personal, creative or spiritual pursues.
- You eliminate negative people (and negativity in general) from your life.
- you value your time and energy.
- you take care of yourself.
- You put yourself first.
I used to get so frustrated and heartbroken when people told me I was selfish for wanting to pursue my dreams, now I simply couldn’t care less because I learnt to love myself for who I am and I know better than anybody else what’s good for me, and above all I walk my journey always being kind to the people around me 😎
So if anyone called you selfish because you wanted to spend time doing the things that make you happy, around people that make you feel good and pursuing your call, passion, interest or curiosity while not bothering anyone in the process…fuck them!
And guess what? those people calling you selfish are the selfish one themselves, by demanding a piece of you! Your time and energy are very precious things and you don’t owe them to anyone or anything that doesn’t give you some sort of joy. Share your heart with those you think worthily of it and use your time towards something good, something that makes you happy, ideally something that might make the world a little bit better, or at least, your own world and the world of those around you!