Throughout my short yet quite crazy life I have asked myself countless time “who am I?”. When I was dancing, the answer was, “You’re a dancer, of course!”. When I picked up photography the answer quickly turned into “You’re a fashion photographer, of course!”
In the last year or so many new dreams have taken over my life and I realized photography isn’t my ultimate stop. I started to understand that I was making a horrible mistake by identifying myself with what I was doing instead of by who I really was.
SELF-IDENTIFICATION
So, who am I? I realized I am an artist! I’m a dancer, a photographer, a painter, a writer, a traveler, a poet, a storyteller, a woman, and a dreamer… Hell yeah I’m a dreamer! Very recently I came to understand that I can be whoever I want to be. Our jobs are not who we are but just what we do, and what we do doesn’t have to stay the same nor define us. It’s ok to change our minds, it’s ok to have new dreams, and it’s ok to want bigger and better things for ourselves!
I thought I wanted to be a fashion photographer… I don’t. I want to be me! Just me.
SELF PORTRAITs
“A self-portrait is a representation of an artist, drawn, painted, photographed, or sculpted by the artist.”
Self portraits have been created since the beginning of art.
We live in an era where selfies are a fucking epidemic. There’s a big difference between a selfie and a self portrait. A self portrait is a form of art and it’s purpose is to represent the artist. A selfie is just a low quality snapshot aimed to show how hot you think you are or how nice your hair looks that day (and hey, we are all guilty of taking a selfie here and there, myself included!)
BEHIND A SELF PORTRAIT
This self-portrait represents many things. I believe that you have to constantly push your limits to find out who you really are. Initially, I wanted to shoot this purely to push myself to do something I was afraid of. I had a strong fear of snakes and an even stronger fear of being completely naked in front of a bunch of strangers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a very shy person, and I have very liberal views on nudity. I have never had problems undressing in front of people I knew or guys I slept with; during my dancing years I was constantly half-naked when performing on stage or having to change costumes in the most unlikely and far from private situations [and just to clarify we are talking about contemporary dance]. The problem with posing naked in front of many people on set—and even more people who will see the picture—is that it shows a level of vulnerability that I’m not used to. [And since we are being totally honest, growing up in front of a mirror in the dance studio and later working with stunning professional models on a regular basis definitely took a toll on the way I see my own body (i.e., I have deep self-esteem issues now, which made the whole experience of taking this portrait more uncomfortable!)]. I did not, in any way, create this self-portrait because I think I’m hot and want to show it to the world. It is quite the opposite actually!
Once you are completely naked and there’s nothing more to take off – you’re you at 100%. You can’t hide behind anything else, and you have no choice but to show yourself for who you really are. I don’t feel an urge to get naked often, and I believe in nudity as a form of art if used with class and purpose. This self-portrait is just my artist statement; I wanted to prove that I could fight some of my biggest fears by facing them (I will write a separate post on Fears and another one on Nudity), and it’s a symbol of me wanting to show who I really am underneath… No clothes, no bullshit! Once I had stripped down completely, there was nothing left but my real self: an artist, a dreamer, a woman, a human being!
NOTE to any ball-breakers that are going to point this out: YES I did use Photoshop. I’m not a photojournalist, I have a very specific photographic style, which involves the use of post-production techniques, so please let’s all be smart and avoid pointless polemics about it. I use Photoshop as a tool to enhance what I already have in front of me, I looked at my work as photography with an illustration feel, so please look at it the same way you would look at a painting, thanks!
–S
3 Comments
Réka Kaponay
I’ve been reading a bunch of your blog posts and it’s so incredible to see how your opinions change as you explore more places. However I loved this post the most because I felt like I really got a glimpse into who you are as a real human being. There are not a lot of photographers who can channel that. Your beautiful, gorgeous in fact, but your honest and I think that’s the most beautiful of all.
saramelotti
First, thank you so much for reading them <3 Travel does that to you, it's crazy how sometime you just get slapped in the face with something about yourself you had no idea was there! You are incredibly sweet and kind and i'm so humbled by your words, seriously! I had been lying to myself for a long time and one day i realized being myself and honest with myself was the only possible way to be, i try to live by that everyday. I don't care about looking good or cool, i want to be me and hopefully that will make more people be them too 🙂 Thanks so much Reka, you are awesome!
Réka Kaponay
Sorry! I noticed a few spelling mistakes in my previous comment! I meant to say:
You’re beautiful, gorgeous in fact, but you’re honest and I think that’s the most beautiful of all.
<3