Holi. The Festival of colors. The Hindu celebration of good overcoming evil, of the arrival of spring and the ending of winter. A big day in India: people are out in the streets partying and dancing and laughing and throwing gulal (natural powder color) at each other…a pretty fun and happy scenario right? Not for me! I can honestly say that Holi was one of the most horrible experiences of my life.
I’m going to piss a few people off with this post, it’s inevitable, so let me start by saying that i LOVE India and Indian People. I have many friends from India and I owe a lot of my personal growth to this incredibly beautiful and diverse country. This is not about India, this is not about men, this is about how a few men behave and how it feels to be a woman around that behavior. Keep this in mind when you read what follows!
I was in Varanasi during Holi. It was my last day there and I had a flight to catch that night. I was on assignment for an agency, the assignment was to document the festival. Since it’s always very romanticized by the media I was expecting a super fun and eclectic experience (and naively i thought the colors were made of natural ingredients like turmeric and such).
When a few days earlier, back in Delhi, I told my friend Ruchie I was going to be out in the streets for Holi she warn me not to do it. She didn’t get into details but she said ” People get really rowdy, stay inside!”. I thought she was exaggerating and being overprotective (I’m tiny) so I smiled and didn’t give it much thought.
The closer it got to Holi the more people told me I should stay inside so I started worrying a bit, but I had an assignment to complete and work is work. The day before the festival I met a very nice British guy and he said he’ll be out by the Ghats and to text him if I was out on my own, I felt a million times better!
The morning of Holi I was ready to go out in the streets of Varanasi on my own but the owner of my guesthouse, a guy my age, invited me to go with him and some other guests to celebrate on a friend’s rooftop. I wrapped my camera in as many plastic bags I could and went with them. I was ready to get covered in colors but I was absolutely not ready for what was coming…
The moment we stepped outside it was like being in a war-zone where bullets were replaced by water: kids everywhere shooting at you with their water guns in the narrow alleys (water mixed with color), guys throwing water bombs from their windows and balconies, people smearing gulal on your face, more kids pooring buckets on your head. At some point I’m pretty sure I had gasoline sprayed on me…Madness! but it was cool, it was kind of fun.
We get to the friend’s rooftop and it’s just a bunch of foreigners throwing more water at each other. I can’t stay here, that’s not the kind of pictures the agency wanted from me—they wanted pictures of locals covered in powder colors—so I convince a few guys I just met to head out to the main gaths with me.
When we got there I didn’t notice anything strange at first. The kids were all gone and now the crowd was made mainly by adults. Most of my attention was on my camera, I was worried it would get damaged so I was very focused trying to shoot without getting it ruined. The situation is pretty intense now!
I want to meet up with the British guy but I can’t even take my cellphone out, Everything happens fast, there’s people and water and powder coming from every direction, everything is hectic and overwhelming. After a few minutes we’re out there a group of happy—and clearly wasted—teenage boys approach us and starts hugging everyone. I’m not in hugging mood but it’s a holiday and I don’t want to be rude. I get two hugs and the guys smear some powder on my face. I smile and let the 3rd guy hug me and….BAM! he grabs my boob!
I did not see that coming and I am a bit confused. I get him off me and give him a “wtf?” dirty look and walk past him. I’m pretty fucking annoyed, but I think the kid just has his hormons going and I let it go.
Another group of guys—this time they look like they’re in their 30s—approches as and the hugging and smearing begins. One of the guys comes hugging me and….BAM! He grabs my ass!
WTF is going on here?!
At this point I’m not only confused, I’m pissed! I look around and suddenly I notice…there are no women out! the only women I see are westerns…
I turn around and… BAM! another guy grabs my boobs and in a ninja move manages to get my ass too.
Fucking A!
Now I understand what’s going on and I know I need to get the fuck out of there. I put my camera away and I tell one of the guys with me that I’m leaving. He comes with me. It’s about a 900 meters walk from there to my guesthouse and BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! My poor boobs and ass get grabbed and squeezed by at least another 20 man in the meanwhile.
There was just no escaping it, too many people everywhere. Even if i had my arms crossed on my chest men where still coming for it. By the end of it I was throwing punches and screaming like a maniac “Fuck you motherfucker!” to anyone that came near me.
I get to my guesthouse. I’m pissed. Like…really, really pissed!
I keep thinking “You don’t see me(or any woman on earth) grabbing strangers’ dicks left and right so why do I have to endure that sort of behavior?”
I throw away my clothes and take the longest shower of my life. I’m trying to wash away the color but also the bitter feeling of disgust and resentment that’s eating me up. I grab a towel and wrap it around my still stained body. I look in the mirror, my hair’s still pink—it will be pink for 6 months as apparently the colors weren’t natural at all—and I am still pissed beyond imaginable.
It’s not just the ass grabbing that pissed me off it’s something bigger than that: it’s knowing that in 2017 there are still people that think women are there just to be grabbed.
I should have listened to my friend, I was warned, I chose not to listen and go anyway while if i listened I could have avoid to live such an unpleasant experience. But that doesn’t mean that things like this should happen.
Later that afternoon my driver comes pick me up to go to the airport. The alleys are quiet now, no kids out, just a few people cleaning the the streets that are wet and red from the gulal, making it look even more like a war went on.
During the car ride I can’t help but reliving what happened in my head. I think of how unfair it is that because a few men behave like that, the reputation of all men (and of a whole country in this case) gets compromised; i think of how important it is for women to speak up when situations like this one happen.
I end up meeting the British guy at the airport, he was also leaving that night. We talk about our experiences, obviously his was very different from mine, no one grabbed his ass of course, the worst thing that happened to him was to be ‘forced’ to dance. I tell him how pissed I am. “You should write about it” he said. And he’s right, I should!
It took me 6 months before I typed these words. I was scared to look like the “victim type”, but above all I was scared to hurt the reputation of good people that have nothing to do with the kind of behavior described above.
Holi is a beautiful, joyful, colorful celebration, but there’s a dark side to it. The media don’t talk about it, but they should. Because many people are clueless about this dark side and because it’s only by speaking up that things can change. And this sort of behavior has to change!
💞 Love,
—S
P.S. If you find this article useful please share it!
DISCLAIMER
-If you read my blog for a while, you know I’m not a “whiny clueless little girl”. Because of my job and my lifestyle I find myself in tough situations often. I can handle some roughness, I don’t get scared easily…I had guns pointed at my face before for fuck sake! So this is not me whining, this is me addressing an issue that requires attention.
-Not all men that are out playing Holi behave disgustingly. There were a ton on men that were just celebrating minding their own business, treating others peacefully and with respect. A few bad apples can compromise the reputation of a whole country unfortunately.
-A lot of men get really really drunk or high af over Holi so obviously that contributes in making things worst for girls.
-Apparently Varanasi is one of the roughest city to be in for Holi. There are many more peaceful places to experience it and i can’t say it enough, what happened to me doesn’t happen everywhere.
-Many people celebrate it privately, with friends and family instead of going out in the streets.
-Holi in Nepal is a different experience.
-This is not an invitation to avoid India, I STRONGLY recommend to anyone man or woman to visit India, it’s one of the most beautiful countries I’ve ever seen. I go back once a year.
-There’s a ton of work to do for women rights in india. If you’d like to learn about it or help here are a few NGOs to look up ActionAid India , Sayfty, CARE India,
-The reason I’ve added all this disclaimers is to avoid useless and ignorant attacks from people telling me I am a racist or a man-hater or any other stupid insult (after what happened with my article Instagram created a monster I am way too used to haters!) I didn’t write these disclaimers to justify myself or my points. I wrote them because I don’t want to wake up tomorrow having to sort through a gazzillion pointless hate emails. I just don’t want anyone to waste my time, since I already don’t have enough of it as it is 🙂
There is no justification of any kind for sexual harassment period.
52 Comments
Darshan Gajara
Firstly, I feel sorry for your experience in Varanasi.
I’m so glad that you eventually decided to write about it, very few gather the courage to do it. Especially, after they’ve gained some following.
Holi isn’t a festival to be celebrated with the local strangers anymore, it’s only celebrated with closed groups at most of the places in India. The reasons are as you pointed out. I don’t [1/2]
Darshan Gajara
even remember when was the last time I played Holi.
And that’s very true for most of the crowded festivals in India like Ganesh Visarjan, Navratri, Gokul Ashtami and alike. It’s very easy to get surrounded by morons who’re just looking for their chance to grope a female stranger.
Not all Indians are such, but you’ll find many when in crowded public places. Have fun, but safely. Peace 🙂 [2/2]
saramelotti
Darshan thank you so so much for reading it! I know how many amazing men there are in India so it makes me so angry that a few assholes ruin the reputation for everyone!
Much love
Ariel
You’re in a country where women don’t have equal rights.
I don’t know why you think you’ll be treated differently or that that entitlement follows and protects you.
I have been to holi and all through India. I experienced this treatment a lot. I understand your anger.
Women are burned alive in the streets for displeasing their mother-in-laws or not having sons.
saramelotti
I think you completely missed the point 🙂 I don’t expect to be treated differently, I expect NO ONE should be treated like that period. I don’t need a lecture about India, i’ve spent plenty of time there and I will keep going back, I spent a ton of time with women victim of acid attacks for my project so I know very well what the situation is. That said there is no justification for such behavior
saramelotti
2/2
Just because thta’s the way things are it doesn’t mean that’s the way things have to stay, and change begins with speaking up.
Lena
Such Neanderthal behavior exists in many places, specially third world countries and it doesn’t mean that all men behave that way. It pisses me off to read stories like that, and as important it is to get the point out that not all men are like that it’s also very important to enlighten about such behavior. I am glad you are strong and able to reflect on this stuff ❤️❤️
saramelotti
Absolutely, as I said in the piece, there are a ton of amazing men, this is just about a few bad apples that ruind the reputation of everyone else, it’s sad and frustrating but change starts with talking about things and I believe everything can change 🙂 ❤️
Tasha
Even though article is about an experience of being repeatedly violated, the author feels the need to write tens of disclaimers and profusely apologize dozens of times.
That’s because the author is a woman.
saramelotti
I feel the need to write tens of disclaimers mainly because I am used to received a ton of emails because of the things I write, and I’d really like to avoid having to sort through the usual hate-emails and save my time 😉
Tali
Thank you so much for sharing! This is so well written.
saramelotti
Thank you so much for reading <3
Abe stien
“It’s knowing that in 2017 there are still people that think women are not in title of deciding what they want to do with their body and who they want to be touched by…”
I believe you mean “entitled” or “not entitled” to decide what they want to do with their body …
🙂
saramelotti
Ooops! Thanks, English is not my first language 🙂
The_leiover
Sorry to hear about your experience. I admire your courage in writing it, especially knowing people will possibly attack you.
I would love to say, “There are safer, better experiences to enjoy Holi in” but that doesn’t erase your experience nor touch on the fact places that allow men to behave like this exist. No women should have to go through what you did and I can’t imagine how the fear. 💙
saramelotti
Thank you so much 🙂 <3 I wasn't really afraid though, I was straight down pissed!! i had other people with me so I knew nothing life-threatening would have happened to me but man, was that fucked up!!
Sure abhi
This is unbelievable. I’m really sorry that happened to you. Also, I noticed that you have apologized a lot in this article, honestly I don’t think there is a need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. The people who did that to you must be the ones apologizing. I’m quite ashamed as an Indian that you had to experience this. As you have mentioned, the situation isn’t so bad in other places.
Panchami
Hi,
I feel so bad after reading this ! There are so many perverts out there who don’t miss a chance to pounce on girls !! Even female kids are not spared. It has come to the point that we celebrate festivals among friends and family and random strangers are not allowed in the community.(I am an Indian)
But like you said, all men in India are not bad.
Take care. I appreciate you writing this.
Sneha Maselkar
Dear Saramelotti,
Glad to read this gutsy write-up on your experience in Varanasi. You were completely unaware and took up a challenge despite several warnings and last min apprehensions. This is a brave feat in itself. You also reacted with care and respect for our Indian culture by being hugging in start. I just feel you followed your instincts all the while and are truly brave and admirable.
Cynthia
Sorry this happened to you. I 100% agree, no one should have to experience that. You’re not being a “bitch” or “prude” because you don’t want another individual touching you. That person (in your case, people) need to understand that no means no. Unfortunately, you’re right. People will say “you shouldn’t have been there,” but why don’t perverts get taught to respect & leave another human alone?
Teare
Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s good to know what others have experienced so as not to be naive. Ya know? 🙂 can’t wait to visit India someday tho!
Ciara
Brava Sara. Grazie per aver la forza di scrivere questo articolo. I read the comments and a few dicks who felt the need to leave invalid or useless comments aren’t clearly aware of the valid point you’re making. It’s utterly unacceptable that behavior exists and being a stranger or tourist in an area doesn’t make you fair game. I’m disgusted for you that this happened and the lack of respect…..
Ciara
….shown to you and so many other women sickens me in our so called progressive, modern society. You’ve opened myveyes to a side to a festival che non ho mai pensato esisteva. Fa proprio schifo.
Debapriya Gupta
Sorry to read about your experience .But it’s a fact till date.Not always and everywhere in India though.But during big occasions women do need to stay little guarded I agree. Holi is a beautiful festival but nowadays since the colors used are harmful for the skin plus the safety factor we celebrate it within closed societies with natural colors.
David Hall
You have every right to be pissed. As a man I’m ashamed to hear about such behavior. You are right share your story. God Bless you Sara
Laura
Thank you for speaking out! Sometimes its not easy to share those experiences, because we are tended to be judged…
Saying that I do believe that we have to make a difference, so one day we as women will be able to walk on the street with the same confidence a man does, no matter what we are wearing. Great Blog and lots of fun in your next trips!
Michelle
Your more than entitled to speak about your experiences which are beyond outrageous and absolutely unacceptable. I can’t believe and decent man or woman reading this would disagree and I applaud you for writing this knowing some ignorant arse holes will leave rude and disgusting comments. This behaviour is not acceptable no matter what country your in and no matter what gender or ethnicity you are
Rita Sherkat
Thank you. For having the courage to write despite the fear of haters. Thank you because so many bits of your writing were exactly what I had written but didn’t publish because the amount of ignorant feedbacks is just overwhelming. Thanks for showing yourself and letting other like minded people realise that they are not alone in this. Beautifully written.
Marta
Hi Sara I’m glad you wrote about it, I’m sure you have saved some girls from experiencing that nightmare. Brave!
Eleonora
Un articolo davvero molto utile! Da donna ti ringrazio per aver riportato questa esperienza. Sono cose che possono succedere, magari non dappertutto, però è giusto parlarne e saperlo per potersi tutelare. Come hai detto l’India è un Paese meraviglioso, e questo non mi farà passare la voglia di andarci. Però preferisco sapere a cosa vado incontro!
Yulia
What makes me sad is not only their sick behaviour but that you hesitated to write about it, knowing that people would attack or blame you for sharing your story.
Thank you for writing about it. It is terrifying… you probably saved me from the same experience, to be honest.
Sabrina Trevis
Grazie per aver condiviso Sara! Posso immaginare come sia stato duro scriverne amando così tanto l’India e la sua gente! Ma condividere serve. Holi nel settore travel sembra la quintessenza colorata e pacifica dell’India. Io ero là durante Diwali nel 2014 e nonostante non sia successo nulla di altrettanto peso ho avuto lo stessa sensazione di insicurezza. La strada purtroppo è molto lunga 🙁
Karlijn
Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s so important to expose topics from different sides.
Victoria @TheBritishBerliner
“There is no justification of any kind for sexual harassment period.” I totally agree & I’m so so sorry to hear of your experience. It must have been horrifying!
I’ve been to India solo & as much as I enjoyed my time there, it was exhausting. I bumped into a Swiss girl & we spent some time travelling together. You should have seen how cars screeched & men stared!
Thanks for being courageous.
gary s chapman
Thanks for sharing what happened to you. I’m so sorry. As a male photographer, I experienced Holi and enjoyed it. Because of my good experience, I told several women traveling to India it is worth going to. I did not know about this dark side for females. Thank you for the education.
saramelotti
Thanks for the kind words! India is still worth going, such an amazing country, it’s just good for women to be aware of certain dynamics 🙂 spread the word!
gary s chapman
Yes, India is amazing. I’m heading back in a week. All the best to you in your travels!
Yep
You don’t know it’s even more darker than you think.
Abhishek Pradhan
Absolutely disgraced and sorry is all I can say for your experience. While I know you were warned and wished you hadn’t ignored it but this behavior is far from acceptable. I would still request you to please be little careful and check with local friends when visiting any social gatherings like this. This is specially true for small towns in India.
Thea Alexandrine
I used to love your work but now I’m like WHAAAAT ?! You’re a real man chauvinist and the most lame and un enjoyable blogger ever. Stop influencing the world with You’re shitty short small minded attitude for the love of god.
Kshitija
Hii… I felt so good that someone has seen the dark side of it and wrote about it.. I am an Indian girl and have never ever played a Holi.. I hate these things a lot. I hate how people take advantage of you being a girl. It’s true.. I m not surprised with your experience actually.. but on this day, I don’t even leave my house.. sometimes people even use eggs… Sounds so yuckk but not exaggerated
Misha
Thank you for writing about this because nobody in India talks about the dark side of holi. If someone does, people say that sjws are here to take the fun out of another Indian festival. As an Indian woman I’ve been psychologically traumatised by similar experiences. I’m really sorry for what you had to go through.
samantha
You are 100% justified in your feelings. This is not nor should be acceptable or justified ANYWHERE in the world to ANYONE. No apologies or disclaimers needed. I have experienced this in Mumbai. Walking down the street covered head to toe in a very loose Punjabi suit down to my ankles and a headscarf. Still got my boobs and private parts grabbed by random teenage boys. (1/2)
samantha
(2/2) Condemning that doesn’t make me racist, privileged, naiive, intolerant, uncultured, judgmental or whiny. It makes me a human being who is entitled to the basic human right not to be violated. Anywhere, by anyone. I too am a seasoned traveller – often on my own in Morocco, Turkey, Bangkok, Africa, India. I know what is right and what is wrong and that doesn’t change.
tarahowardd@aol.com
same happened to me and i had my indian boyfriend with me
Raunak
Unfortunately this is the truth about India and the whole reason this keeps happening is because the governments in power do nothing to stop such crimes against women. Holi is best avoided in India or enjoyed within the confines of your own house and with people you trust.
Anjan Sharma
The northern Hindi belt of India is full of criminals, murderers, rapists and molestors. Delhi, Haryana, UP & Bihar. These places are notorious for all sorts of crimes. Varanasi is a part of this belt, so no wonder you had such a horrible experience.
Please visit South India and the East India. You will see a completely different side of India.
Bharti
That’s true. I am an Indian and I can really understand what you have gone through. So you should have listened to your friends or relatives who advised you to not step out of the house. Different countries have different culture and traditions.so be careful next time 👍
vishal mahendra
I am really sorry for what you experienced in India. It’s happening there for a long time. Mainly Uttar Pradesh. Even its much more darker than you think. But South India is kind of normal in this case. And you really did a good job of writing it. I will share this as much as I can. It has to be changed. I am a part of NGO in Chennai names Blooming Beacon
Keep Writing.
– Vishal Mahendra
Jeremy King
I’m sorry for your mistreatment. It doesn’t sound like “a few bad apples” so much as it sounds like a bad place. I also feel bad for all the women who’ve endured the same harassment. I’m also sorry you were so hesitant to tell your story for fear of being branded a racist or man-hater. We need to stand up to such people and remember that telling the truth is never the wrong thing to do.
Harneet Singh
Hi. First of all I would like to say sorry for what happened with you in our country. Basically I am a teenager and I too want that the mindset of the people, the few people to be changed. I was just going through some stuff and got this. It’s a shame that not just our country but the world still have these kind of short minded people. Hope you travel back in India and you get a better experience.